Trader Joe’s
Blasphemy time, folks – I hate Trader Joe’s.
Hopefully your screeches of horror and disbelief were not so high-pitched that they shattered your computer screens and any nearby chandeliers.
I was only tangentially aware of Trader Joe’s in the days before college – although I did have an enduring fondness for their Triple Ginger Snaps, consumed mainly at my grandparents’ apartment in Philadelphia. Big ups, Granny Franny.
Then sophomore year of college rolled around, and my dorm was right next door to (on top of, actually) the Trader Joe’s by Union Square. “Superb!” I thought. “I can run in for Chile-Spiced Dried Mango or Veggie Masala Burgers whenever I want!”
Me and nine million other people.
Seriously. It can be 8 in the morning or 10 at night and there will ALWAYS be a line out the door for the register! This means you either load up and then wait an hour with spoiling milk and melting ice cream in your basket (you thought there might be room to push a cart in here? How quaint!), or do what I call the Line Shuffle. This involves getting into the register line when you enter and then darting around the store grabbing your frozen gyoza and peanut-butter-filled pretzel bites while hoping that the person behind you will push your basket forward if the line should happen to advance while you’re perusing the cheese section.
(And God forbid you got into the Express line with thirteen items – you’d be better off showing up to Friday night services in a Nazi costume.)
But guess what they have in California? MORE SPACE. Thus, their Trader Joe’s must be awesome football-field-sized Edens of low-priced and delicious snacks – snacks that will hopefully not get your entire gender blamed for humankind’s fall from grace.
So far so good.
As you can see, there is in fact no giant line snaking from the front door all the way up to Palo Alto. I proceeded with cautious optimism.
And then I ran into this:
WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!
Are you kidding me???? 59 cents per plum????? That picture was taken when plums were in season and were about $1.50 per pound at my friendly neighborhood Ralph’s.
(Yes, I know they’re organic.)
But that’s not the point! I did not buy those plums. And I never will.
What I did buy was cheese.
Can you blame me?
Also, my favorite soup ever:
You can really taste the organic!
But just when I was thinking that Trader Joe’s wasn’t so bad after all, I realized something. Take a look at the picture below and tell me if you notice a pattern. A pattern that will fill you with Al-Gore-ian rage:
*said in Justin Timberlake Alpha Dog voice* Dat’s a joke, right??
Is it just me, or is every single piece of produce wrapped in some kind of packaging??? Some of it I can understand, I guess. We don’t want our strawberries rolling around willy-nilly, like so many easily-bruised marbles. But why are the avocados in that mesh thing? Why is the basil in its own plastic container? WHY DO TWO GARLIC BULBS NEED TO BE IN A BAG? Are we worried they are going to get contaminated from being exposed to the open air? You have to peel them before you can use them, Trader Joe’s. Haven’t you ever watched Emeril? SUSTAINABILITY, BAM!
I can only assume that they’re jacking up prices on plums in order to afford their fancy garlic bags. And why not! They sell chocolate-covered edamame, they can do whatever they want.
But honestly this is not the reason why Trader Joe’s is so sucky. Would you like to know why? Here is the amount of groceries that I purchased during my trip. Note that these bags are each about half-full.
And presto –
- the amazing disappearing paycheck!
July 18, 2011 at 13:34
I hate trader joe’s too. It is junk. Their produce is NEVER local, it goes mouldy within a day – as does their bread, their juices are rancid, they have so much frozen and pre-packaged – yuck! I WASTE money every time I go there because their stuff is so gross – even their wine was corked. NEVER AGAIN
September 4, 2011 at 14:39
Heaven forbid one should buy a bottle of wine that’s CORKED! =/
December 26, 2011 at 09:26
I think their stuff is as fake as ther employees. Gives me the creeps.
January 13, 2012 at 19:21
it is the biggest scam going. check out the profit they make. they drove walmart out of germany with their sister chain aldi’s. they are a true wolf in sheep clothing. how can anyone drive out walmart? it is all a false pretense. from caring about the customer, to being green and hiring fast talk smoothies to get you to buy their products. they also claim they are not a corperation. do they even believe their own lies. if you have the misfortune of working for one, they have rules about their rules. their motto should be mircomanage, micromange. they are a monster and making a killing. most profit for a retail chain. spread the word and help slay the beast.
June 25, 2012 at 09:43
I’m with you — TJs is way overrated! I’ve shopped at several locations here in the SF Bay area, and have been completely underwhelmed by the selection and quality. Produce priced by the piece!? Sure, large selection of frozen and refrigerated prepared foods, but if you do your own cooking, this place is useless. Popped into my local one ’cause I needed some ingredients for gingerbread; no friggin molasses! Oh, but they do have trendy agave syrup. Only carton of bad eggs I’ve ever got was purchased at TJs. Bought a bag of chocolate-covered potato chips once — should be delicious, right? Inedible! Two Buck Chuck is swill. Why this chain keeps getting voted best grocery store in local newspaper polls is beyond me. Fun and quirky — maybe. Great grocery store — no way!
July 30, 2012 at 18:30
Trader Joe’s always seems to have a petition signature gatherer outside their doors. Except it’s always for some right wing cause. Inevitably it’s a black guy or a woman out there to make you think it’s some liberal cause–until you read the fine print. Anyway, if you ask TJs they always say they’re non-partisan but it doesn’t seem to work out that way. The Liberals get shooed away and the guy collecting signatures to kill light rail or restrict voting rights gets to stay.